ANNND, ACTION! Because my life is a revolving door.

Act 483. Xander and surgery.

Today was both beyond scary and a huge relief. Alexander James, you were the most bravest little babe and mommy couldn’t be more proud of you.

Xander has had non-stop ear infections since he was born. He has had 2 ear tube procedures and is still constantly congested. After consulting with his doctor and trying to wait it out, it was evident that he needed his tonsils and adenoids removed ASAP. He wasn’t sleeping through the night, his breathing sounded like an old man on a respirator.. or like my 12 year old Frenchie and he was tired ALL OF THE TIME, but not. He was just overtired and super hyper. His speech may or may not be improved, time will tell. BUT I am happy this was done.

Was it scary? I was petrified. I felt like I was in robotic mode. Waking up, getting to the hospital and then walking him into the O.R was beyond. I kept it together because, what else can I do? I had no-one to lean on, I was by myself and I had to be strong for him. I put the “bunny suit” on, walked him in, said a prayer and proceeded to blog to you. I need to keep my mind busy or else I would #google allllll the bad. Never google!! I did that after my first C-section, never again!

Flash forward, he’s OKAY! Xander’s doctor is amazing (THANK YOU Dr. Keller) and Northern Westchester Hospital was everything and more. The surgery was faster than I expected and his tonsils were bigger than a horse’s balls. He NEEDED this done and I’m SO glad his doctor pushed for it. They usually want to wait until a child is 3 years old to do a full removal of tonsils and adenoids but with Xander, his breathing, speech and sleeping was extremely affected.

I didn’t cry, although I wanted to… multiple times, especially when he woke up out of anesthesia. That might have been the worst part of all of this, for me. I cried in the bathroom and in the shower. I cried when he couldn’t see me. I wanted him to know that mommy is ok, so he is ok. I am his rock and little does he know, he’s my rock. This little babe has under gone so many trials and stipulations at such a young age but he is one of the most resilient kids I know. I call him my “bull in a china shop” because he is just that! He pushes through anything that’s in his way and I’m all for it.

I can cry now, and I am as I type this to you. We’re finally home after an exhausting overnight at the hospital. Xander is napping and mommy is drinking a well deserved glass of “mommy juice”. The nurses and doctors were all surprised that I was alone… I’m single, divorced and its #Covid?! They all asked if I was a nurse and when I stated that I was a Special Education Teacher, they told me I should’ve been a pediatric nurse. I had told them that, “We are all guardians and chosen for different reasons”.

My life has definitely felt like a revolving door, especially these past 3 years. BUT with the good comes the bad and with the bad comes the good. Nothing in life is perfect. I actually don’t want perfect. If everything was perfect, life wouldn’t be what it is. “Why, sometimes I’ve believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.” ~Alice in Wonderland.

One of my all time favorite books/movies is: Alice in Wonderland. Aaaaaannndddnd I’m kinda sorta obsessed with reading about and watching; serial killers (thanx MOM).

Life is messy, life is crazy, life is unexpected. I’m taking this life of mine, one day at a time. Whatever is thrown my way, I will take and not let it break me.

xoxo beeeeatches.

& THANK YOU for all your prayers, well wishes and good vibes.

"We're All Mad Here."
The Cheshire Cat says this to Alice in one of the most concise descriptions of the strange world down the rabbit hole. Unlike the world Alice left behind, "mad" isn't necessarily a bad thing. Here (and as you're reading), you should embrace a side of you that is quirky and unpredictable, and maybe when you get back to reality, you'll want to take a little of that with you.

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